creative frustrations

[queenofstars]

Someone in my reading list whose work I worship, challenged in a locked post the writers in her reading list to write her a story in a specific setting. I know for a fact I wasn't among the challenged but an image I had in my mind this last week came into focus, obtaining texture, space and light and, oh dear god... I began writing.

Problem now is that three and a half days later, the little monster has outgrown the one and a half page I thought it would be, pushing three and still going, and it's scaring the shit out of me. I've never written anything that long and it comes easily enough --close to a page a day-- that I'm beginning to suspect it will be the worst crap I've ever come up with when I'm done writing. I'm trying to reassure myself that it is because of all those images I've been holding inside finally finding an outlet, but clearly it's not working. Writing doesn't come natural to me, never has; I have to slave and bleed for it and that's a concrete fact I had to come to terms with a long time ago. And that's where I panic.

Why can't I be happy that, even if the outcome is not up to the requestor's expectations, for the first time I'm writing something with a beginning, a middle and an end? A story that I know in advance how it's going to play out and why? Why am I beating myself for finally having an inspiration and running with it?

::pulls hair in frustration::

Comments

[elayna88.livejournal.com]

Yes why are you? Write and love your writing, it's the most glorious satisfying feeling in the world. And don't worry about whether you've satisfied the original request. If the person you admire is really worthy of being admired as a person, she'll be thrilled that you had joy in creating, not peevish that it didn't match her precise criteria. And I can't believe it'll be crap if you're feeling that inspired. You go girl!

[kres.livejournal.com]

Yo.

I know it's a pretty old post of yours, and I wonder if you ever finished that SG-1 thing you were working on. You talk about honesty in fandom, and when I read it, it's like looking into a mirror :)=

From the sample you posted lately I figured I'd really like to see more of it, so:

I'd love to beta for you - that is, if you need a beta and if you're interested. I'm merciless at cutting fics into little pieces, and I won't mention any roses :)= Only if it's really roses :)=

As for references, I posted two fics in SG-1 fandom so far, and they're at area 52, under Kres, if you want to see what you'd be getting into (it's safer to start with Scars, if you decide to drop by).

Oh, and English is not my first language (which you can probably see anyway).

So? *bats eyelashes*